The Beacon
Acton MA
July 1, 2010
What
Our Mothers Never Told Us (or we were too afraid to ask)
by Dana Snyder-Grant
My neighbor has a script for Fosomax waiting for pick up at Acton Pharmacy. Another friend began Fosomax one year ago when test results showed that her bone density had plummeted in a year's time. After my doctor tells me that I, too, have osteoporosis, I find out that another friend with small bones has been told the same. We've all done and do the right things to promote our health. We follow balanced diets and do regular exercise. We practice yoga and meditation. None of us smoke and we rarely drink. So why are we at risk? We are women growing older.
Why didn't anyone ever tell us about the hazards of aging? Beyond the death thing. That our bones would become brittle, that we would have to start writing everything down because to forget would become normal. Or maybe our mothers told us but we were too busy or just didn't want to hear it. Yes, I know that hearing will be the next thing to go.
Granted, for me, the cognitive symptoms of multiple sclerosis challenge memory more sharply. And the steroid-based medications, used to treat MS symptoms, cause bone loss. I learn from Beatrice Edwards, Associate Professor of Medicine at Northwestern University that "Anything that impedes your ability to walk accelerates bone loss." Great...
So what to do now with these age-related changes? I ask my neighbors about their typical response to change.
Some tell me that they thrive on change, loving to rearrange furniture in their homes or to try out new ethnic food recipes. Others fear or resist change, particularly when it's associated with loss. I like what my walking partner, Steve, says to me one day - “it's evolution that happens – a natural unfolding.” Yes, I think. Look at the trees and flowers. Look at our kids growing up.
We become more informed. Some of us recommit to weight-bearing exercise, adjust our vitamin supplements to more calcium and vitamin D. There are the mainstream medications like Fosomax - with their risks - that treat bone loss. And the alternatives that “rebuild your bone density naturally.” We try not to get overwhelmed by the mountains of information and options – what's the difference between D2 and D3, calcium citrate and calcium carbonate? I learn that there is also zinc and magnesium. And do you know about vitamin K?
It's a lot to navigate, this medical maze. I have MS. I get thyroid disease. Both lead to osteoporosis. I make medical appointments to treat them all. I get lost on hold and in voice jail. Most absurd is that doctors' offices call me “Sally,” my legal name. But my name is Dana and we get confused when calling me Sally. Who is she? Who am I?
Change surprises us. We recognize that aging is sometimes about loss, and sometimes about gain. While my walking has become more compromised in the last few years, my energy, attention, and concentration have improved. Go figure! This isn't supposed to happen with MS. It's a new twist on expecting the unexpected.
There are benefits to aging. I now know what I like and want. I accept more of me. I laugh more. And then there is the awareness of what matters. Simplicity matters. We declutter our basement after fifteen years. “I don't need that” is easier to say. Our connections – people and relationships matter. Making a difference matters. Kindness matters.
My friend, Marcia, tells me that she copes with change by embracing it. “I move furniture around my house to notice it...Nothing is really stable. Stable is temporary. Change is life.” As for aging, she says that the hardest changes are the physical. “As my kids grow up, I can re-frame the family changes - I get something new. But I can't re-frame not being able to dance for more than one half hour; I'm impatient with those changes...I hope, that as I age, I'll be more able to gracefully let go of what I cannot do and add things that I can.”
My husband tells our friend, Elaine, of his temporary hiatus from running due to tendonitis, a new age-related problem for him. Elaine, an avid tennis player, responds, “You've inspired me to take a break from tennis. I have golf elbow - other side of the arm from tennis elbow - but still from tennis. I've been putting a strap on and still playing, but it won't get better if I do that and it might get worse.” A tennis teacher has told her that injuries in middle age need to heal or can easily become chronic. So Elaine decides on patience and cancels all tennis games until she heals.
So we age and we change. And realize we're not alone. We accept what we can and adapt to what we must. Yesterday, the eight pound weights didn't seem as heavy as they did two weeks ago. That's good news. But I still have no idea if I will start taking Fosomax.